The things you do, the people in your life, the person that you are…are you in love or in need?

Do you have an agenda involved or are you truly in love with doing, having or being it? What you do out of love can so easily be misinterpreted in your life and is really something you’re doing out of need. Falling into this trap can leave you feeling a void, constantly searching for something else to fix, improve or change in your life.

Listen in below to hear how to recognize love or need and how to find love for the parts of yourself you feel are incomplete.


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Episode Transcript:

Hello and welcome people of the universe. Welcome to another episode today for our series on the misinterpretations of spirituality. So today I want to be talking about the concept of loving something or really are you needing it?

Hi, this is Amir Zoghi, speaker, coach and aerobatic pilot. I’m on a mission to inspire, move, and transform people’s lives. This is the Wisdom, Truth and Freedom Podcast where I share mind-blowing insights about spirituality, self-actualization, and transcending those limiting mindsets in order to live in an unlimited lifestyle and to make it dent in the universe.

So many times our, things that we think we love and even, you know, may I say our partners, you know, we say we love them, right? And I’m not saying we don’t, but there is a mild influence of need that’s in there. And for some there’s a lot of influence of need. And so the question is, are you in love or are you in need? And not just your partners, but you know, the things that you do, are you loving that? Are you really, truly loving doing that or you needing to do that? Or, even not just the things that we do, but the person that we are and how we show up. Do you really love the person that you are? Like, I mean, I mean, do you do, is it, do you have an agenda in how you show up? Like is there a, are you trying to influence people in, in the way they see who you are?

And if you are, then you know that that becomes a need. You can’t love who you are if you need to be seen in a certain way because then you’re not being yourself. You are playing a role to ensure that people see you in that certain light. So anyway, the question is, are you in love or are you in need? And why? This is a very big misinterpretation of spirituality and whether it’s spirituality you call it, whether you call it mindfulness or consciousness. Either way, it’s a very large in misinterpretation because many things that we say that we love is actually not what we love. It’s actually what we need. But let’s talk about relationships. So let’s just start with relationships because so many people can relate to love or need in a relationship. And when I use the word love, you know, people’s mind generally goes to, relationships.

So if you look at a relationship, you know, I talk about in my actual the WTF experience, which is a program I have online. But generally an individual will find that they would love to be in a relationship because, A— they’ve got something that they want to share from themselves, or B— they feel that there’s something of themselves missing and lacking. So therefore, if they find someone to love that part of themselves that they feel that is lacking, can feel whole and complete. Do you know what I’m talking about? Like if you, if you don’t, we can talk about general things. You know, when an individual is feeling an emptiness, they would like to fill that emptiness by, you know, getting addicted to things. So it could be getting onto social media all the time. It could be, you know, maybe a drug addiction.

It could be a sex addiction. Hey hell, it could be a shopping addiction, right? Every time you go buy a new pair of high heels shoes or whatever it is that guys buy, you know, the new watch, you know, you feel like that emptiness has been fulfilled. So we all know what we’re talking about when we’re talking about that sense of emptiness. There’s a part of us that maybe sometimes you miss… It’s actually misinterpreted and we can talk about it in a different episode, but you interpret as though there’s something missing. Something’s not whole, some thing incomplete. So therefore it must be a void and therefore I must need to fill it up. One of the biggest ways we fill that up is finding someone to love the part of ourselves that we haven’t yet loved because the void is a part of ourselves that we perceive that is empty.

So therefore it’s a part of ourselves that we haven’t yet loved. Because if you love that part of yourself, it becomes full. But rather than loving that part of ourselves, we look for other things to fill that part. Or we look for other people to love that part of ourselves that we’re not willing to love. And that creates this typical relationship. And you’ll find somebody that will “”complete you as they say. And they complete you in the order of finding or in the order of loving the part of you that you haven’t yet loved. So therefore you feel complete. So then you say, “you complete me”. So then the question is, are you in love with that person or are you in need with that person? Because I may challenge you with this because you may be potentially needing that person to continue to love the part of yourself that you haven’t yet loved, to love the part of yourself that you perceive to be empty.

This void feels full. So therefore the question is, do you love that person or do you need them to continue to love the part of yourself you haven’t yet loved? That’s a typical relationship. Now, don’t take this the wrong way. I know, you know, some of you might be like… I’m not here to challenge anyone, to say, Hey, you’re not really in love with your partner. But there may be parts of your life, that you need your partner to love you, right, in order for you to feel loved. Okay? And this is the biggest misinterpretation because we usually say, Hey, well “I love you”, but you really, what you’re saying is “I need you to continue to love the part of myself that I haven’t yet loved”. Because when you do that, I feel loved and we are complete. I think the greatest form of love I’ll say right now, the greatest form of love besides the love that you have for your children.

Of course, and you know, family and all that. But the greatest form of love that you can find, is the love that you find for yourself. Which is finding love for the part of yourself that feels so incomplete. When you can actually go there and make that full, you don’t need to be in a relationship anymore. Now I say this to people because I say, when you do your work, when you do the self-work, when you a working on yourself…that’s my, all my work is about self-actualization. It’s about realizing who you are. It’s about feeling complete within yourself. It’s about going to the void and finding, finding what the void really is and finding yourself within that void. And when you do that, you feel very full, right? So now, you no longer need somebody. If the void becomes full, not from, you know, your addiction to food or your addiction to drugs or your addiction to social media. But if the void becomes full because you found yourself in that, not from putting things into the void, but you actually found yourself in that void.

You know, this is called the experience of oneness because now you feel whole and complete. And when you feel whole and complete, the funny thing is that you no longer need to find someone, to find love. Well, let me say that again, you no longer need to find someone to love that part of yourself that you hadn’t loved before. Now, you know, I talk about this on stage and people, you know, they start to look at me really strangely. You know, people start putting their hands up and they’re like, hang on a sec, hang on a sec. I get this power of no longer needing to be in a relationship. But if you no longer needed to be in a relationship, why the hell would you be in one? Maybe you’ve already thought of that as I’m talking to you. But that’s a really good question too, right?

I mean, people get it, people understand. Yeah. All right, well, it’s not nice to need someone to love you because the thing is when you need them to love you, you’re always not only attached, but you’re always manipulating them in order for them to continue to love that part of you. And if they stopped loving that part of you, you say “you’ve changed” and you’ll find someone else to love that part of yourself that you haven’t loved. But anyway, so you get to this point where you feel very whole and complete and people get this and they go, that sounds plausible. Well, okay, you no longer need to be in a relationship. That sounds powerful. Like there’s a power in not needing to be in a relationship, but if you no longer needed to be in a relationship, why would you be in a relationship?

And I love being in a relationship. There’s so much that is shared and experienced. Yes. Yes, there is so much to be shared and experience and that’s the key word, is it’s to be shared. And the thing is when you find two people that feel whole and complete within themselves, like there’s not something missing. They come into a relationship, they no longer need to be in a relationship. Guess what? They’re there because they love to be. And that’s when I say, when people say to me on stage when I’m on stage, and people say to me, “Hey, if you no longer needed to be in a relationship, then why would you? Because you love to! Our mind is so conditioned to doing the things that we need to do first. That if the need dissipates and there’s no need to do that, it’s almost the mind doing back flips and there’s a little monkey in your head going where to now, because I no longer me to be.

Yes, you’re now free to now love the person. You’re now free to give and share of yourself. Not look at what I can get from this relationship. That’s the key point, right? So the question again is “Am I in need or am I in love”? And the example I just gave to you right now is one of relationship. But you know, like you can experience this in, you know, in what you do. You know, continuously people are looking at what they, what they want to do in the world. And you know, I did a previous, podcast, which was in relation to this series was about, the whole question, it was about doing what you love to do is not doing what’s easy to do. That was a previous one. So it’s a perfect fit. What we’re talking about here about…the question now is…are you loving it or are you needing it. Now when it comes to your worldly things and doing the things that you want to do… Again, you know, you’ll find people that will do the things that want to do with, REASON. I say that very pronounced on purpose because love doesn’t have reasons, right?

You love your children. Or you love… If you find the greatest love that you have in your reality, in your experience… Because maybe you don’t have kids, maybe you’ve got a cat, right? You tell me, what is the greatest love that you have for someone you love? And you told me the reason. There is no bloody reason. You absolutely love them. And that’s all there is. It’s like, I love them full stop. There is no reason. So love doesn’t have reasons. So when it comes to your day to day life and doing the things that you enjoy doing, right, per se, you, you say you’re enjoying it. Um, if you’re finding that there is reasons and I’ll tell you what the reasons are, right? To get recognition, to get appreciation, to be accepted, to have people approve of you, to gain security.

These are all reasons, right? When you’re doing what you love to do and it’s really true, it’s, you’re not, when it’s what you need, it’s almost like your looking at what can I get from this? Just like the relationship. What can I get from this relationship? What can I get from this job? What can I get from my customer? What can I get from my clients? Your focus is not on what can I give, right? When it’s really what you love, your focus is — What is it that I want to share with this people? What is it that I feel so full within myself because there’s no, I’m not experiencing that emptiness and I just want to give it so you can see what I’m talking to you about here. You know from we’ve talked about here, as a reference point, as what you experienced in the relationship and also the things that you do in your life.

Now, if you are noticing that there is an agenda. If you are noticing that, Hey, well I am looking at what I can get and I am experiencing this emptiness and I don’t like it. All right, may I remind you that this is why it is so important to know who you are. Because that emptiness that you feel is a part of you that you’re not willing to identify with. And maybe identify with is not even the right word. But a part of you that you’re not willing to jump into, to become one with. I mean if there is a part of you that feels empty, your ego comes in and goes, I don’t want to go in there because there’s a void, right? But within that void, if you’re willing to go within that void and soak yourself, you realize that void is actually not an emptiness, but a very profound fullness. And that is what is missing here, right?

What is missing is a part of you that you have not become one with yet, a part of you that you still feel incomplete with. And you look for that part of yourself that is incomplete. You look for that in your world. If you can find that within yourself, you then look to your world to share your completeness, to share your fullness. Rather than begging and being attached, just to find something to love you, which is what I want to complete this podcast with the need that we talk about, like are you in love or are you in need? Guess what the need is? Guest, what…recognition, appreciation, acceptance, approval and a sense of security is? I mean, what do you feel when you feel secure? You feel safe. When do you most feel safe? When is the greatest level of being safe?

When you have love? What do you feel when you have recognition? Love. What do you feel when you have appreciation? Love. What do you feel when people approve of you? Love. What do you feel when people accept you? Love. So what I’m trying to say to you is that — are you in love or are you in need? If you are in need, just be clear. This is what I said to you at the beginning of the podcast, I will finish off with. Be clear that what you’re in need of is to be loved. That’s all this is about. That’s all. This is what you’re looking for. Are you in love? Or are you need? If you’re in love, well beautiful. And you’ll know when you’re in love because you just want to share it. You’re not looking to manipulate, you don’t have reason.

You just want to give and share it. Right? And of course that is to someone worthy of receiving that. I mean, I’m not talking about just becoming woo-woo in la-la-land and just going walking around and giving everyone hugs. You know, if someone wants to do that, that’s cool too, right? But you know some people are closed off to your hugs. Well, why would you bother? Like why do you feel the need to hug someone that is closed off? Okay, so that’s again, that’s potentially a another podcast. But the point here is, are you in love or are you in need? If you’re in need, just be very clear that what you’re in need of is to be in love.

That’s my podcast for today. See you next time.

I’d like to give you guys the seed that my mother shared with me, and the seed is my WTF Experience program. This seed is not something that can easily be taught. It’s something that you got to experience, hence the WTF Experience. I would like to give this to you and it’s now available for you to stream online for free. So just head on over to my website at www.amirzoghi.com/wtf

What did you think of this episode? If you’d like to dive deeper on learning how you can finally stop trying to fix, improve or change things in your life, watch The WTF?! Experience, my transformational foundation program. It’s free right now and streaming online. Click here to get your access.

Amir Zoghi